Reconnecting with God After the Massive Thing
Four Ways to Find God in Your Pain
“Where are you, God?”
I leaned back in the recliner in my dark, quiet bedroom and cried.
I was a year and a half into my chronic illness journey when I really started to struggle to sense the Lord’s presence and trust His goodness. My severe Mast Cell Activation Syndrome meant even smelling someone’s perfume or my parents’ dinner could cause my hands to turn red and swell, my heart to race, my stomach to revolt, my body to flush, and my head to pound. Add to that, I was extremely sensitive to light and sound. The least bit of either gave me a migraine. I wore earplugs and earmuffs in the house, and my parents had to speak to me in whispers and keep the house as quiet as possible. I had to keep my room dark. My dad even had to cover my window with cardboard. My joints ached. My hair increasingly thinned. I had suspected gastroparesis, which meant I was prone to nausea and had to keep my body somewhat upright to help food to move through my digestive track. I tried to stay positive, but sometimes my mind went to dark places.
Maybe this isn’t your story, but maybe you lost a loved one or got laid off from your job. This article is for the Christians who are feeling hurt and confused and who know they need God but aren't sure how to approach Him in their pain. Below you'll find four ways to reconnect with God.
Lament
When I was really sick, I started to hate the miracle stories in the Bible. They just added to my hurt and reminded me that God was fully capable of healing me but had chosen not to. I didn’t know where to turn for comfort in my Bible. Then one day I was listening to a solo piano piece by David Nevue that was titled Psalm 77. Intrigued, I read it, and I was introduced to lament.
Lament is a way of bringing our grief, confusion, and even anger to God. When we are suffering, we are faced with two options: We can continue to trust God, even as we struggle with doubts, or we can abandon our faith. Lament is a way of staying with God. It is a proper response when we are hurt and confused. God is a safe place. We don't need to come to Him with whitewashed prayers. We can tell Him how we really feel. Lament ushers us back into His presence, and I believe is often the first step towards renewed intimacy with God after the massive thing.
Count gifts and thank the Giver.
I used to have a sign from Ann Voskamp taped to my wall that said, “Being grateful is what makes you joyful. Gratitude in our circumstances – is what changes our circumstances.” I believe it's true.
Gratitude doesn't mean the friend who left will come back or that your body will miraculously heal. Those situations won't necessarily change with gratitude, but the way you experience your circumstances will, so find things for which to be grateful and then bring that gratitude to God. C.S. Lewis once wrote, “I think we delight to praise what we enjoy because the praise not merely expresses but completes the enjoyment; it is its appointed consummation. It is not out of compliment that lovers keep on telling one another how beautiful they are; the delight is incomplete till it is expressed.”
Gratitude to God shifts our perspective, is a form of worship, and is a way to remember His faithfulness. I have kept a gratitude journal off and on since 2016. It’s simple. I just write down three things I’m grateful for each day. Sometimes it's the wag of our dog's tail, a vibrant fall leaf, or watching soap bubbles in the kitchen sink. Find the beauty in the ordinary. Thank God. See how He has revealed Himself in creation.
Open your Bible.
Recently, I read something along the lines of, “Don’t say God is silent when your Bible is closed.” The truth is that the Bible is one of the primary ways God speaks to us. Our knowledge and understanding of God grow when we read His word. In fact, when we read His word, we can see how there are times where He seemed silent but where He was actively at work. One example of this is the period of silence before the birth of Christ, also known as the Intertestamental Period. When reading the Bible, we can also see how Jesus got the ultimate silence from God on the cross so that the silence we feel is just that–only felt.
At the same time, reading God’s word doesn’t mean the felt silence will automatically end. Spiritual dry periods are normal and can last a long time. We just shouldn’t say He is silent when we aren’t even seeking Him. Reading your Bible can be as simple as meditating on a single verse. I had years where my brain fog, migraines, and low energy meant I couldn’t read my Bible much at all. To be honest, I mostly relied on the Holy Spirit to bring the hundreds of Bible verses I’d previously memorized to mind at the right times, and when I started to get better, I borrowed a copy of The Jesus Storybook Bible by Sally Lloyd-Jones from the library. I hadn’t read through the entire Bible in years. It was a good way to refamiliarize myself with Scripture.
Find Christian community.
Hebrews 10:25 says, “Let us not neglect meeting together, as some have made a habit, but let us encourage one another, and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
When I was really sick, I could not go to church, and I don’t believe that was sinful. What I do believe is that we need to find some sort of Christian community. Ideally, you will be a member of a local church, and they will be there for you in your time of need, but sadly, churches often neglect to care for their homebound members. If you have been hurt by church neglect, let me say that I am sorry, but let me also encourage you to not give up on Christian community. Because of the Fall, relationships are not perfect. I have experienced both great healing and great hurt in the context of relationships, but the Christian life is meant to be lived in community. During the years I was really sick, I found Christian fellowship primarily through my family and through a few friends who kept in touch with me. Being a Christian is hard. Life is hard. Please don't give up on Christian fellowship to bolster you in your faith whatever it may look like.
Friend, if you have accepted Jesus as your Savior, your name is written in the palms of His hands. He won't let you go. I pray this article helps you to find Him in your pain. He is there.
Very good article and suggestions Lauren! I appreciate your honesty and practical ways pointing people who are hurting to God.
Lauren, I’ve been a silent reader of your posts for years and I’ve enjoyed so much soaking up the wisdom you have through Christ and your journey. This post in particular has me in tears in the best way possible! I’ve had a year of struggles and have experienced the distance from our Lord that you’ve described here. I’ve been staying in the word, remembering my blessings, seeking Christian fellowship, but its so obvious now, after reading your post, that lamenting is a way to stay connected with God too, it’s all over the Bible! I’ve never thought about applying it in my own life and situation. Thank you so much for being so open and giving God glory in this way. He’s using you to speak to more people than you may know. What a privilege!